A hard day just finished ... a hard month just finished ... things happened one after the other with such a fast passe that I could not even stop and think about them ... stop and analyze them ... I was just waking up morning after morning determined to make things happen, that sometimes I had the feeling my soul and mind are not feeling anything, just doing!!! Good, hard, illogical, lovely, motivating moments and people ... made me feel happy, tired, excited ... Still I felt sometimes I am so strong and determined that I don't feel any emotion, that I am not impressed neither by the good or bad things around me ... that I manage everything with big amounts of cold blood like a murder ... strange feeling ....
I have 8 months in Dominican Republic ... results are beginning to appear, we are more and more independent and strong, challenges bigger and bigger, I miss more my country, my family and my friends, my heart is beating incredibly hard thinking about my next step ... and my feelings are so different from one period to the other ... I would definitely say a hard month :)
I started the year motivated to have the most challenging year of my life, in which to be ready to take all the challenges I would have never taken otherwise ... all good until now ... managed to do that ... still on the way I am getting tired ... changing my working environment (moving to the other LC Santiago), managing both very operational and strategic activities (doubled the work in the same period of time) ... and getting more and more demotivated when I realize I can not do my best and I can not do everything with the same level of professionalism ... long time since that happened ...
... and everything ended last week when I felt totally empty inside, facing situations that I had never imagined I will face at a personal level, pushed to my limits and having the feeling people are "entering with their shoes in my heart" (in Romanian "intra cu bocancii in inima mea")... made me think a lot about the relationship with my friends and people around me ... If I am really transmitting what I am feeling? If I am saying NO why people can not understand? And yesterday was another clear example that I have to be more categorical and strong, that people benefit from your good will and diplomacy.
... so professionally and personally I could say I was exhausted and similar with a stone you through in the water ... still some special people to my heart built the plan of "rescuing Mali" from the state of mind I was in :) and I thank them so much for that!!! :*
The ingredients: well structured plan (thank you my dear M ;); a movie so much similar with my image upon the future; 2 great days far from everything, at the beach; one incredibly nice email to receive me back home in my reality ... I recovered myself and my energy ... my dreams and motivation!!! :)
And today I faced the test of actually seeing if I recovered :P ... no electricity and water half of the day, going to the bank and finding out that part of the money we need in order to pay the debt to AI and our salaries for the last two months can not enter in our account earlier than March (bank restrictions due to the crises), I have no ticket to IPM just yet, one of the Colombian trainees got sick and we've spent 5 hours in the hospital together with him, report to be done and no internet, etc. ..... and I realize I am close of going crazy but I am smiling :)
I realize I am so proud of me and Pato and how we are managing the situations together, how we can be there one for the other and get us up, how to think about solutions (going to miss her so much in 4 months from now!!!) ... I realize I am so much stronger after these 8 months ... I realize one thing that really makes me happy is the impact I can have in people and situations around me :)
I feel challenged but at peace! I feel everything is going to be GREAT in the end! :)
